Wondering why I am not writing lately?
I am AFRAID.
Finishing up the process of divorcing a man who was…how do I say this diplomatically?…A “difficult” person to live with and an impossible person to have a relationship with, has proven to be a very hurtful person to divorce.
I am afraid to write for fear that he will “cherry pick” and use ANY and EVERY thing I write as some sort of legal “ammunition” against me… to try to take my family’s home and try to somehow discredit me as our children’s mother.
One thing I HAVE learned a lot about is: WHAT A REAL MAN (partner/spouse,etc.) IS.
I have been observing other families, and am doing my best to figure out what a “real man” behaves like! (PS: Don’t get all up in arms with the WORD “MAN”…I am using this word fairly loosely… it can apply to ANYONE… man, woman, partner, trans, queer… but I am writing to my own experience so, It’s just easiest for me to use the words as they apply to my life, please replace “Man” with “Woman” or “Person” as you see fit!) A real man supports his kids mother, regardless of his relationship with her! A real man has the BALLS to apologize for his wrong doing and is able to gracefully forgive his partner for her/his wrongdoings. A real man is thoughtful & caring and capable of talking about important things to his family, friends and partner, be it small or large. A real man can feel, identify and express his own emotions in a healthy way. A REAL man… wants to lift others up, knowing that when one rises, we all rise. A real man is ABLE to read the below scripture & desire to embody it… to identify shortcomings and hope to grow.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Corinthians 13:4-7
So… I have a lot of great stories in me… and I WILL write them..but for now… I apologize, I am living in fear & I will not do ANYTHING to risk the comfort and safety of my babies… so I suppose I’ll be taking a bit of a break.
In the meantime, I am reminding myself of the good in the world… that there ARE “REAL MEN” and “REAL WOMEN” all around me and hey: I DO have balls… they’re called ovaries… and I will continue to do my best to embody Corinthians 13:4-7, and as soon as I am no longer so afraid I’ll be seeing you…
love and hugs,