Finding Light in the Darkness…
When life is at its darkest, that is where you find the brightest of light. My most recent past years.. it was SO dark in my heart, in my world… and I may not have seen it then…(I could not accept it until I was ready to DO SOMETHING about it)..but now, now that I have given myself permission to accept the darkness, to accept the pain of those years… now that the light is returning into my heart & my life NOW I can truly see what a gift it all was.
In the Pacific Northwest we are slowly and steadily creeping upon our darkest day of the year, Winter Solstice… commonly around December 21st. This time of year one can notice the trees will begin casting sundown shadows as early as 3:00pm…and you can catch sunrise easily as late as 7:30am…
IT IS DARK.
On December 21st I will honor the return of the light with an Advent Spiral at my little acre… I will write down all the darkness I wish to say farewell to, the names of people I want to forgive for their contribution to my life’s darkness… and I will cast it into my fire-pit, then I will walk a candlelit spiral while contemplating all the beautiful light in my life.
This season has forced me to look at the hurt and pain others have caused me… you know, the nasty things people have done out of their own turmoil & brokenness… angry, vengeful, jealous and nasty $hit. Soul breaking $hit. And it hurts, and has left some little cracks in my soul… cracks that I have been carrying around at great expense to myself and not even AWARE of!
Ok, let’s lighten this chat a bit, this getting a littttleee serious…
SO…I LOVE music (who doesn’t?) and I commute a LOT, so I spend a LOT of time listening to (and singing loudly to) Pandora radio (it helps to have my music chosen for me so I can hear things I normally would not choose…)
I LOVE country, specifically Miranda Lambert, so I have basically been bingeing her Pandora station for the past year and ONE day in November Kesha’s song “Prayin” came on…
WHAT THE DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS???
KESHA is NOOOOTTTT country music. So I listened up, I figured God was messing with the Pandora algorithms to show me something….
Here’s how the song begins:
“Well, you almost had me fooled
Told me that I was nothing without you
Oh, but after everything you’ve done
I can thank you for how strong I have become”
And… wow… I was driving across the Snoqualmie Valley in my little Audi A3 Racecar & I was a hawt sobbing mess of an angsted heartbroken, kicked to the curb & told I was garbage, Woman!
I have since downloaded the song, #obviously…and WOW…you know what? yes. Yes. YES.
THIS is me right now:
“I’m proud of who I am
No more monsters, I can breathe again
And you said that I was done
Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come
‘Cause I can make it on my own, oh
And I don’t need you, I found a strength I’ve never known”
THIS is the light in my darkness… out of ALL the years of darkness… THIS LIGHT, this strength has been formed inside of me… that I am TRULY thankful for.
My years were not wasted… I became stronger. I can stand on my own… and I am SO PROUD OF WHO I AM.
So in this time of darkness… I urge you also, to look back a bit, and look around, see your own darkness…
What light is THERE…DURING the darkness? THAT is your treasure. Hold onto THAT, because THAT is your miracle. THAT is your character forming, that is your strength. That is who you are BECOMING..
And in the words of Kesha, THIS is my souls prayer for all the darkness & hurtful people in my world & yours:
“I hope you’re somewhere prayin’, prayin’
I hope your soul is changin’, changin’
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin’ “
Song Lyrics Credit: